Would you believe that this was just recently? Romans 6:3-4 - Paul explains that believers who are “baptized into Christ Jesus” are baptized into His death and therefore walk in newness of life. Baptism, in this sense, symbolizes union with Christ and a public identification with His death and resurrection."
Most who know me already know me as a Christian. For years, I have been one since age 18. Being a Christian is one thing. Having an intimate relationship with Jesus is something completely different. I learned that when I cried out to Jesus. I led with God! You have been in my life for years. So why do I keep walking down paths of destruction? I wanted to blame addiction, family, anger, hate, jealousy, inadequacies, rape, abuse, the death of my beautiful baby, and almost dying myself. I was in deep, dark holes many times over. I was here regularly. Yes, I had God. He did not lead me here. It led me here. He was always there, with the whisper Seek me, I am Here. I always had other agendas.
Remember that word AGENDAS....
Psalms 23 is a very well-known verse. If not, read it. It reminds us of our comfort of our one Father who shall never leave. If there is a shadow of darkness. There must be a light shining to make that shadow. If there is a valley, there are peaks on either side for you to climb to. See, God has light with every obstacle. There is NO FEAR, with JESUS in your LIFE.
I lacked love. Even with Jesus (because I didn't have a relationship with Him). I looked for it anywhere I could get it. Men, sure. They would show me love. Oh, no. That's a trick from the Devil. I needed affirmation, and I always thought I could change them. So, I went from one man to the next. One abusive situation to the next. Always crying out to Jesus after the fact. I got married, not because of love, but because I was told that is what you do next. It didn't work out. No Jesus. I would listen to everyone else around me and their opinions of how to live. I was at times listening to God. Then there were many times, I turned from Him and followed the world's views.
Don't let my negativity fool you. I had amazing years. I had a great career. A great life. I had a home, and I helped people. I had what people would say was a great life. I was good at pretending and doing what I believed people wanted me to do. Never the Lords.
I had to deal with the inability to have children naturally. I had to deal with many different kinds of addictions. Remember addictions or anything and everything that we have to use for long periods of time without stopping. Can't stop. I'm going to have an addiction; it will be with God.
God was never against me, even after every turn I took away from Him, or step I took that wasn't of Him. Deuteronomy 3:16 reminds us, "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”
I pray that you read the second part of the testimony. It is the part that makes me shout with joy and smile so deeply. Everyone can come out of the depths of destruction, grab Jesus's hand, and walk hand in hand with Him, in every step. Life is a happier place with Jesus, I promise you.
I don't regret my paths, as deep as they were. I always made it out, and each time the Lord led me to something greater. No one should judge another's life, as they don't know their story.
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