Testimony first part

Would you believe that this was just recently? Romans 6:3-4 - Paul explains that believers who are “baptized into Christ Jesus” are baptized into His death and therefore walk in newness of life. Baptism, in this sense, symbolizes union with Christ and a public identification with His death and resurrection." 

Most who know me already know me as a Christian. For years, I have been one since age 18. Being a Christian is one thing. Having an intimate relationship with Jesus is something completely different. I learned that when I cried out to Jesus. I led with God! You have been in my life for years. So why do I keep walking down paths of destruction? I wanted to blame addiction, family, anger, hate, jealousy, inadequacies, rape, abuse, the death of my beautiful baby, and almost dying myself.  I was in deep, dark holes many times over. I was here regularly. Yes, I had God. He did not lead me here. It led me here. He was always there, with the whisper Seek me, I am Here. I always had other agendas.

Remember that word AGENDAS....

Psalms 23 is a very well-known verse. If not, read it. It reminds us of our comfort of our one Father who shall never leave. If there is a shadow of darkness. There must be a light shining to make that shadow. If there is a valley, there are peaks on either side for you to climb to. See, God has light with every obstacle. There is NO FEAR, with JESUS in your LIFE. 

I lacked love. Even with Jesus (because I didn't have a relationship with Him). I looked for it anywhere I could get it. Men, sure. They would show me love. Oh, no. That's a trick from the Devil. I needed affirmation, and I always thought I could change them. So, I went from one man to the next. One abusive situation to the next. Always crying out to Jesus after the fact. I got married, not because of love, but because I was told that is what you do next. It didn't work out. No Jesus. I would listen to everyone else around me and their opinions of how to live. I was at times listening to God. Then there were many times, I turned from Him and followed the world's views.

How did I come to Jesus at 18... I came from a drug-abusive home and a workaholic mom. (She had to, who was going to take care of three children, and she was in the military.) I do not blame either of them now. I was messing around with hard drugs for about a year at this point. Turning my life upside down and following in the generational curses. I ended up pregnant. However, it was the worst kind of pregnancy you could want. One, I didn't know. Two, I kept getting sick, like I was. Went to the doctors, they said "No," you're not three times. Nothing is wrong with you. You have the flu. My mom even said the same thing. I went home, lay it out in bed. Until one day, I couldn't control anything. My body was shutting down. Remember, I am 18. So, I went to a small hospital near my home. The man I was with was on house arrest. So here I am by myself. I get to the hospital, and they immediately look at me like I am a drug seeker. Treat me this way. Until they didn't. Within 15 minutes of the "This is a serious emergency," everyone was moving in fast motion. I didn't understand anything. An ambulance arrives maybe 20 minutes later. Takes me straight to another hospital. Where a surgeon and staff meet me outside. Have me sign a piece of paper, saying if I don't go to surgery right now, I will die. Next thing, I know Im in a hospital bed for a week. I found out I had an ectopic pregnancy (a Pregnancy where the baby does not reach the uterus). It had ruptured. I was safe, but now what? I just lost a baby. 

After a few weeks, I went for a walk to clear my head. Figure things out. I walked up to this weird-looking church. They were handing out food, clothes, and praying for people. It was weird. Why would random people be praying for strangers? I know now it was God, sending me to this place. I had a group of strangers (they looked weird, too) ask if they could pray for me. They said God was telling them to pray for me. I said, Um, ok. I was so lost, damaged, and hurt. Okay. A few started to pray. Next thing, I know, 10 people are praying over me. I fell to my knees, weeping. Didn't even know that was possible. I gave my life to Jesus that day. 

That day changed my life. At first, I ran for Jesus. Everything was Him. I had good years, great years, bad years, weird years. In all those years, I never really dealt with the deep-rooted issues. They would come to the surface, and I would run to what I knew would take it away. Drugs, or anything to erase the crap. 

I do want to note that my dad. Daddy, the drug-addict father. Had now become a preacher. A lover of Christ. That will come later in life of having to deal with; it took another 20 years for the forgiveness to come. He is a good father, with great values and beliefs. I love him very much. 

I had to deal with the inability to have children naturally. I had to deal with many different kinds of addictions. Remember addictions or anything and everything that we have to use for long periods of time without stopping. Can't stop. I'm going to have an addiction; it will be with God.

God was never against me, even after every turn I took away from Him, or step I took that wasn't of Him. Deuteronomy 3:16 reminds us, "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

I pray that you read the second part of the testimony. It is the part that makes me shout with joy and smile so deeply. Everyone can come out of the depths of destruction, grab Jesus's hand, and walk hand in hand with Him, in every step. Life is a happier place with Jesus, I promise you. 

I don't regret my paths, as deep as they were. I always made it out, and each time the Lord led me to something greater. No one should judge another's life, as they don't know their story.